The Hardest Part Of This
by theescapist99
Summary: MCR fic. While on tour, Gerard's life slips into a nightmare he can't wake up from. And he's taking everyone else down with him. Contains Frerard in later chapters. Also on Ficwad.
1. The Nightmare Begins

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING

Author Notes: Okay before we begin, some warnings about this story. There is QUITE A LOT of character death later in the story. There will also be substance abuse, some rape, some dead animals, some self harm, some torture, and a lot of violence. Not a very happy story. Also this doesn't really follow anyone's POV, so if it feels like its jumping from one to another, my apologies. Its been a long time since I've written a fanfic, and I'm a bit rusty but I had this idea in my head and just felt like I had to write it. So this is pretty much just me putting it down. OH and Bert is in this and he's not so nice. If you're still interested in reading, enjoy! :3 ( I know this authors note is like longer than the whole chapter but I felt like these things had to be said.)

The Hardest Part Of This

Chapter One: The Nightmare Begins.

Gerard groaned as he was awoken by a pestering vibration at his side. His hand gripped blindly around for his cell phone until he found it. Glancing at the caller ID, he saw no number he recognized but he answered anyway.

Frank, Mikey, and Ray were cramped in a small compartment of the tour bus. They were in Arizona at the moment, having just finished up yet another fantastic show. Still feeling riled up, they spent the rest of their night playing Call of Duty: Black Ops. Frank glanced at the time on the clock. It was 4:26 AM. Gerard had gone to bed early, but perhaps it was time for him to hit the hay as well. It was just as that thought passed through his head that he heard a horrible scream come from where the bunk beds were. Frank, Ray, and Mikey all exchanged "did you hear that too?" glances before simultaneously rushing to the room. The first thing they saw was Gerard, huddled in a corner and curled up into a ball. He was both sobbing hysterically and shrieking the word "No!" at the same time. Frank rushed over to him and put his hands on both sides of Gerard's tear stained face.

"What happened Gee? Tell me what happened?" Frank exclaimed, becoming more and more panicked at the sight of his friends condition.

It was then Mikey noticed a light on the other side of the room - Gerard's iPhone. And someone was still on the line. Mikey went over to it, picking it up in hopes he would discover what put his brother in such a dismayed state. Gerard had somewhat quieted down, although he was still sobbing heavily.

"Hello?" Mikey reluctantly spoke to whoever was on the other line. Meanwhile Frank and Ray watched, having given up on trying to get the truth out of the distraught singer. They saw Mikey pale. Mikey ended the conversation with the person on the other end and turned to the other two.

"Lindsey and Bandit were in a car accident," he said in a small voice, "They're dead. We have to turn the bus around."

And without waiting for a response, Mikey left in the direction of the bus driver. Horrified, Frank turned to embrace Gee comfortingly, who had renewed the volume of his screaming since Mikey had spoken.

Next chapter: The band figures out what to do, the press gets cruel, and Gerard sees Bert for the first time in years.


	2. Obstacles

Chapter Two: Obstacles

One week later.

Gerard was asleep. This was an achievement, thought Frank, as Gerard had had difficulty sleeping since the incident to say the least. Currently, they were residing in Los Angeles, in a hotel nearby the hospital where Lindsey and Bandit has been admitted, both dead upon arrival. It had turned out that Lindsey had failed to see a relatively hidden stop sign and was hit by a truck while passing through an intersection. At the moment they were waiting upon pizza to be delivered to the room. While they wanted to go out, they didn't want to wake Gerard, and they all felt uneasy at the idea of leaving Gerard alone since the accident. Yet a silence has fallen over the band in the past week, as no one really felt they had anything appropriate to say in this situation. Now that Gerard had finally fallen asleep however, now seemed as good a time as any. Ray was the first one to speak.

"So..", he said reluctantly, as Mikey and Frank's head snapped in his direction, "..what do we do about the tour?"

Mikey spoke next, "Well," he said, "I've been thinking about that actually. We have to postpone some dates obviously, but I think we should continue with the tour."

Frank and Ray both looked at Mikey as though he were insane. Seeing the reaction, Mikey explained, "Look, Gerard obviously needs us right now. What better way to as close as possible to him except being on the tour bus with him? That way, we're here anytime he needs us. He won't feel like he's going through this alone. And at least the tour will keep him busy. Keep his mind off things -"

"- but Mikey!" Ray interrupted, "He needs to mourn properly. How is he going to do that under the stress of full blown tour?"

Mikey said nothing then, and it was Frank's turn to speak.

"I think...what Mikey is alluding to is that Gerard needs us and we need to keep an eye on him. It would be good to keep him pre-occupied," Frank said the next part with hesitation, "lest Gee starts wallowing in depression and maybe falling into some old habits."

Mikey tensed and had begun looking down at the floor, and unreadable expression on his face. Ray on the other hand looked confused.

"You don't think... he'd try to do anything?", Ray asked, in a much more hushed tone than he had spoken before, "I mean I know he's wanted to off himself before, but guys, that was years ago! He's the most anti-suicide guy I know!"

Mikey grimaced, "I don't know Ray, put yourself in his shoes - wouldn't you start thinking the same thing?"

It was around news had just come on, and Mikey, Ray, Frank, and Gerard sat around the television, without really paying much mind to it, playing a game of Magic the Gathering. Gerard had been mostly quiet since he had identified the bodies of his wife and child. No one had seen him cry or scream any longer. Yet they weren't sure if this was a good or a bad sign. Halfway through what they they said would be their last game for the night, the newscaster spoke the band's name catching everyone's attention.

"My Chemical Romance fans are outraged at the Daily Mail once again for releasing a scathing article reporting on the tragedy of frontman Gerard Way's family. The article implied that Way was somehow at fault for the accident, calling him an 'irresponsible father who deserved to feel the consequences of his actions'. The article -"

As to what the reporter was about to reveal about the article, no one ever found out, as Mikey had then picked up the television and thrown it, smashing the screen into the ground. Dumbfounded, everyone turned to look fearfully at Gerard. Surprisingly, his expression hadn't changed. But it was by no means a pleasant one.

"I'm going to fucking kill those motherfuckers...", breathed Frank, still in shock of what he just heard.

"Gerard, you know not to listen to those stupid fucks right?" Mikey said, his eyes fixed on his brother. "They're just fucking pissed because we fucking spoke the truth about that emo suicide cult shit they pulled a while back!", he spat, his voice steadily rising. Everyone else could tell Mikey was angry, and an angry Mikey was something to be feared.

After a long and painful silence, Gerard simply muttered that he was going to bed and wrapped himself beneath the covers without another word. Frank retreated to his own bed and buried his face in his hands Why do people have to be such assholes?

They arrived in Nevada. It had not been an easy ride. Gerard had been getting more sleep, but he had begun having night terrors. He would scream Bandits name loudly and then break into horrified sobs. Everyone took turns staying up with him, trying to be of some comfort or some help, but the most painful thing was that there was really nothing anyone could do. Checking into the hotel they would be staying in was already turning out to be an unnerving process. People stared at them, approached them asking for autographs. It was one of those times they cursed how famous they were. Both Ray and Frank tried their best to huddle around Gerard who was still in no condition to socialize with the public, while Mikey did his best to shoo people away, making it clear that now was not a good time.

When they finally got to their room, everyone let out a huge sigh of relief. Gerard went to his bed and curled up, resuming the habit of staring off into space that he had taken up recently. Meanwhile Frank and Mikey were conversing. Mikey was saying that he had heard talk of another band staying at the hotel.

"Well which band?", Frank asked. Mikey shrugged.

"Hey want to go get everyone some coffee?" Mikey suggested. Frank nodded, coffee would be good for Gerard after such a stressful morning. He and Mikey left for the nearest Starbucks, leaving Ray in charge of Gerard.

Gerard looked over. Ray was staring at him, while lying on his side of the other bed. He looked exhausted. Gerard attempted a small smile. "You should probably get some sleep.", he told Ray. It had been Ray who had stayed up with Gerard last night, soothing him and making him soup in order to help him get back to sleep.

Ray nodded wearily and immediately drifted off, eager at Gerard's blessing.

An hour or so passed, and Ray was knocked out. There was a knock on the door, but Ray was a deep sleeper. Reluctantly, and rather stupidly, Gerard went to go open the door himself. Gerards eyes widened. Standing in front of him was a man he had never expected to see again.

"Bert?"


	3. It's Only The Beginning

Chapter Three: Its Only The Beginning.

What was probably about 5 seconds of silence felt like 5 hours. Then suddenly, Gerard found himself engulfed tightly in the arms of Bert McCracken. Unsure of how to react, Gerard reluctantly returned the hug, giving Bert more of a pat on the back. 

"Fuck Gee, I heard what happened, I'm so fucking sorry.", Bert spoke into Gerard's shoulder, and then stepped back. Gerard still couldn't bring himself to say anything, and instead just stared at Bert. This caused Bert to feel nervous and he stared down at his feet instead of meeting eyes with the broken man in front of him. "I missed you.", Bert then said, and he looked up at Gerard again and offered a small smile. Gerard tried his best to return it, although it probably looked more like the side of his mouth had begun to twitch. Quietly he said, "I missed you too.".

"You wanna go get something to eat? Catch up?", Bert offered.

A million thoughts raced through Gerard's head. Bert had never been a good influence on him. Bert had always led to crazy adventures, and usually not the good kind. Bert had been working against Gerard for many years, only to show up very suddenly now. Gerard was in vulnerable spot at this point. Gerard did not need to complicate things by bringing Bert back into his life. Then he thought of the band. The band would be angry. Mikey would be angry. Mikey had wanted Gerard to be with him, Ray, or Frank at all times since the accident. And lately, the band had been suffocating Gerard. So with that, Gerard nodded, glanced at Ray to make sure he was still asleep, wrote a note the he had gone out, grabbed his jacket, and left.

After all, it was just lunch, right?

~

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE LEFT?" Mikey roared.

Ray was taken aback at the volume of Mikey's voice. "Calm down dude, he probably just went out for a walk or something."

"IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER WHERE HE WENT! HE SHOULDN'T BE AROUND PEOPLE RIGHT NOW!" Mikey fumed, his hands curled up into a fists.

Ray rolled his eyes, "Right, because he's allergic to those."

Ray had woken up to find Gerard's note on the bedside table, and he had already braced himself for the reaction that he knew Mikey was going to have. And sure enough, Mikey stood before him quite infuriated. Frank said nothing, but looked troubled.

"We're making too big of a deal out of this," Ray continued, "There has been absolutely no indication that he intends to do anything to himself, anyone, or anything. To be honest, he probably needs the alone time."

"I know you're just worried Mikey, we all are," Frank said, trying to offer some consolation,  
"But Gerard'll be okay. He's a strong one."

Mikey nodded and Ray and Frank smiled, all of them trying to take comfort, but still doubting, in Frank's words.

~

Gerard and Bert had both lost track of the time. They could only guess it was far past lunch time. The sky around them had been growing dark, but he and Bert were going all over the place. They were walking in somewhat of downtown area looking a various things, talking about various stuff. Bert did most of the talking, which Gerard didn't mind one bit. Bert had even made Gerard emit somewhat of a laugh a here and there. It felt like old times. Bert looked at Gerard, he couldn't help but stare. Gerard was more beautiful than ever with his cherry red hair that fell so well around his perfect face with its silken appearance and its gorgeous features. The only thing that was missing was that winning smile. Bert wanted to see that smile again. They turned around a corner, and Bert stopped suddenly.

"Hey I know this place!", Bert said excitedly inspecting what at first glance looked like a hole in the wall.

Gerard examined it. It was what appeared to be a burger place. And a bar.

"C'mon, lets go inside," urged Bert, "I'm getting hungry again and its about dinner time anyway."

Gerard shrugged and followed Bert inside. They both settled into a table and a waitress handed them some menus. When inquired as to what they had wanted to drink, Gerard ordered a raspberry iced tea, and Bert ordered an electric lemonade, which contained a strong amount of vodka. Gerard frowned, it seems his old friend hadn't changed his ways.

"So how's Mikey, Frank, and Ray, and what not?", Bert asked, realizing Gerard hadn't spoken much of them.

Gerard winced. He had almost totally forgotten about his band mates. He wondered just how pissed off they were at him for wandering off like he did.

"Doing good," Gerard shrugged, not really wanting to go into the details of the trouble he had been putting the band through over his problems. He felt guilty. He knew he shouldn't let Daily Mail's words get to him, but it was partly true. Had he stayed at home for maybe just a little longer before going on tour, maybe none of this would have ever happened. Maybe he would have been the one driving, maybe he would have seen the stop sign that destroyed his family by being hidden. Gerard felt his eyes water again and he looked down at his lap, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. He didn't to too good of a job hiding however, Bert noticed it and sighed.

"Here.", Bert said, pushing the electric lemonade towards Gerard. Gerard stared.

"You know I can't...", Gerard said softly, reluctantly.

"I know you shouldn't normally. But I think you need one now more than ever. It's better than having to bear through the pain sober, I mean I can't even imagine the awful shit that's been in your head lately. This is the best thing for you right now, trust me.", Bert insisted, a determined look in his eyes.

Gerard closed his eyes and let out a long breath. He was just in so much pain. And this was safer than pills. So then, making up his mind, he grabbed the glass and took the first sip of alcohol he had had in six years.

~

It was 10 at night. They were nearly ready to go out and start looking for him themselves. There was no point in calling the police, as one would have to be missing for 24 hours for them to actually do anything. They had called his cell around 1,000 times but had gotten no answer. Mikey was a nervous wreck who wouldn't keep still. Ray had gotten pretty fidgety himself. Frank had agreed to go down to the lobby and see if he spotted Gerard anywhere there. At last, at about 10:20, he did.

"Gerard!", Frank exclaimed, running up to his friend. A huge wave of relief crashed over him. Gerard smiled. Frank smiled. It was the first smile he had seen Gerard crack in what felt like an eternity.

"Frankie! I missed you!" Gerard said loudly, pulling Frank into a tight hug. And immediately all the good feelings that had washed over Frank a moment ago shattered, and he felt his heart sink - he smelled alcohol in Gerard's breath. All over Gerard.

"Gerard... where were you?", Frank asked, now frightened of the answer.

"Oh! Thats right!" Gerard said, laughing a laugh that didn't suit him, "You'll never guess whose here! Bert! From the Used! I've been hangin out with him all day!"

Frank's heart sank even lower. Now he felt angry. When it already felt as though Gerard had hit rock bottom, Bert had to fucking come along and possibly ruin any progress they had made with Gerard. He watched Gerard stumble over to the elevators and followed behind him far enough so that Gerard wouldn't see the tears that were threatening to spill out of his eyes. Not that he would have been sober enough to notice anyway.

Next chapter: Gerard doesn't want to. Bert doesn't care.


	4. Blood

Authors note: Um, I might consider this one NSFW. Its a bit graphic.

Chapter Four: Blood.

"Whats the worst that I can say?

Things are better if I stay,

So long, and goodnight.

So long, and goodnight..."

Gerard sang to the ceiling of the hotel room. They were stranded. Well, not really. The bus was having some technical problems, so they were stuck in Nevada for another night or two. Which was fine with Gerard, as it gave him more time to see Bert. Its almost like this was meant to happen. The band was upset with him over yesterday. They weren't really saying it, but he could tell. He also knew it was pity keeping them from screaming at him. He didn't know how he felt about that. Even now, out of the corner of his eye, he could feel Mikey watching him with pursed lips. Annoyed, Gerard turned over on his side, his back turned to Mikey and the rest of the guys. It was then he saw he had a text message. It was from Bert.

"Had a lot of fun yesterday. Hang out again tonight?", it read. Gerard mentally cursed. He really wanted to, but after last nights stunt, they'd never let him leave. Guess he'd just have to sneak out then. He typed his reply.

"Sure. :)"

It was midnight. The other guys hadn't quite fallen asleep yet, but that was okay, Gerard would have had to wait until The Used had finished up tonight's show anyway. Even he was alarmed at how eager he was to see Bert. He tried to tell himself it was just the normal excitement of hanging out with an old friend again. He had missed him, that was all. When 2 AM had rolled around, everyone had already long ago said their goodnights. So, quietly as he could, Gerard crept out the door, out the hotel, and called a cab.

He returned 5 hours later, immensely pleased with himself. He had seen Bert, gotten his drink on, had a good time, and from the looks of it, his band mates had slept through the whole thing. No one would ever know. And Bert had invited him again tonight, to a huge party they were attending before they left Nevada. He went over to his side of the bed that he shared with Mikey as gently as he could and fell asleep, unlike Ray, who unbeknownst to him, had been awake the whole night.

It was The Used's last day in Nevada, they would be leaving before the sun even rose the next morning. Their bus problems nearly fixed, it was My Chemical Romance's last day in the desert state as well, but they would be leaving mid afternoon the next day. After that, they would be facing their first show since the accident, and everyone, including Gerard, was nervous as to how Gerard would do. Gerard was expressing his frustration by attempting to write lyrics to a new song, yet somehow the lyrics he was coming up with was making him feel more and more depressed. God he couldn't wait to see Bert tonight. This was the thought he carried with him until the time finally came. Figuring he'd leave at about the same time, he repeated his steps from last night. Once 2 AM rolled around, he grabbed his coat and tried to tip toe to the door.

"Going somewhere?", came Ray's voice from the darkness.

Shit.

Gerard took a deep sigh and turned around to face Ray, who was standing right behind him.

"I was going for a walk?", Gerard attempted.

"You mean like the 5 hour one you took last night?" Ray immediately countered. Gerard's shoulders slouched. He knew this was a losing battle.

"Please just let me go?", Gerard pouted, even trying to summon his best "puppy dog eyes" look.

"Look Gerard, I know you're going through a lot right now but this isn't the answer.", Ray pleaded.

"It's not about that Ray! This is Bert's last night in town, after this I probably won't be able to see him again for a really long time, if ever."

"Oh, and I suppose alcohol has absolutely nothing to do with this?"

Gerard had nothing to say for a long while. But he was getting agitated. Who were they to tell him what he needed right now? It was their decision to make him continue with this tour, shouldn't he at least be compensated for it? "I'm going." He said defiantly and reached for the doorknob.

"Fine.", he heard Ray say, and he could tell he was angry now too. "Lindsey would be so disappointed in you."

Gerard felt as though he just got slapped in the face. Hard.

"Fuck you!", he spat before finally walking out, leaving behind a Ray who had regretted his words the moment he had said them. Ray took a deep breath. He'd just apologize to Gerard in the morning and hoped Gerard would be okay. Like he had said, it was Bert's last night here and hopefully, after tonight, they would never have to deal with him again.

~

It was a house party, in a nice, secluded, cottage-like place near the woods. The music was loud. So loud, you could hardly hear anyone say anything. Bert had his arm around Gerard's shoulders. Gerard could tell he was high on something, and he was still sipping at some Jack Daniels. Gerard was somewhat buzzed, but not drunk enough to have a good time. He guzzled down a bit more of his own drink in hopes that would do the trick. Bert was telling his friends something funny, but he couldn't hear as to what. He could just see them all burst into laughter. They were seated on a couch and there were a ridiculous amount of people here. He was somewhat regretting coming. This was nothing like the far more intimate hang outs they had had in the past couple of days. He felt nervous, and perhaps the slightest bit scared. He checked his phone. It was 4 AM. Maybe he should head back anyway. He tugged at Bert's jacket to get his attention, and once Bert looked over at him, Gerard titled his head towards the front door to indicate he wanted to go outside. They excused themselves and left, stepping out into the cold air, their hearing now feeling strangely impaired.

"What's up?" Bert inquired.

"I think I wanna go back now dude.", Gerard said, probably a bit louder than he intended, considering he was still adjusting to the drop in volume in regards to his surroundings.

"Go back?", Bert said ___incredulously, "Dude its my last night here!"_

___"Yeah..." Gerard ran his hand through his hair nervously, "..but you know, you seem busy with your friends and all. Its cool." _

___"Is that what this is about?", Bert laughed. "Alright dude, well come on, I wanted to show you something, just you and me. And then you can go back."_

___"Okay.", Gerard agreed. Bert grabbed Gerard's hand and began leading him away. _

___They kept walking for what felt to Gerard like a long time. They were getting farther and farther away from the noise of the music and the chatter of people, and the surroundings grew darker. Finally Gerard saw what Bert seemed to be heading towards. It almost looked like an oversized tool shed. Bert opened the door for them and turned on the lights. The interior was what kind of looked like a poor man's bachelor pad. There was a non-flat screen tv that was still rather big, a worn looking sofa on the other side of that, an even more worn out rug in the middle of the room, and beer and soda cans scattered all over. _

___"Its kind of like a club house they used to use a lot. Before Peter got married.", Bert explained, referring to his friends who had thrown the party._

___"Ah.", Gerard acknowledged, "So what did you wanna show mmmph- " _

___Before Gerard could react, Bert had slammed his own mouth onto Gerard's. He grabbed Gerard by the shoulders and back up into him, pinning him against the nearest wall, while pushing his lips upon Gerard some more. His tongue was slithering its way hungrily into Gerard's mouth. In his slightly drunken state, Gerard returned the kiss, closing his eyes and trying to enjoy it. He couldn't. Something was just terribly wrong about the whole thing. Bert had already begun sliding his hands up Gerard's shirt, his finger's finding Gerard's nipples and rubbing over them playfully. Gerard shuddered at that, finally finding the strength to bring his hands to push Bert off him._

"Stop." Gerard breathed out, his heart pounding. He could see Bert was breathing really quite fast as well.

___"No."_

___"What?", Gerard said, sure he must have misheard. _

___"I said," Bert said in a stern tone, "..no." _

___And as he said it, Bert whipped out a small kitchen knife from within his pocket. He had planned for this. _

___At the sight of the knife, Gerard's eyes widened, his heart raced even faster, if that was possible, and his first instinct was to run. He tried to make a dash for the door, but Bert was faster, and stronger. Bert grabbed a huge chunk of Gerard's hair and pulled back hard, bringing him instantly to a sitting position on the ground. Bert then lifted his, mind you, steel toed doc martin boots, and stomped on Gerard's stomach as hard as he could. And again. And again. Gerard was screaming from the pain, but it only made Bert more stimulated. Still clutching tightly onto Gerard's hair, Bert kneeled down so he could be at eye level with Gerard. Bert yanked Gerard's head back, leaving his throat exposed. Gerard looked frightened, panicked, confused. He could hear his rapid breathing. Smiling, Bert took his knife and caressed Gee's neck with the edge of it almost lovingly. Gerard let out a whimper. _

___"So beautiful. Struggle less, " Bert nearly whispered to him, "and maybe, just maybe, this will hurt less." _

___He then let out a weird laugh and used one hand to grab the collar of Gerard's shirt, and lowered the knife to the shirt, cutting the material downwards, the blade never lifting itself higher than half an inch off Gerard's skin. Gerard was too scared to move at all. When Bert was finished, the top half of Gerard's front was totally exposed. He pushed Gerard hard so he was completely lying down on the worn rug. Bert then positioned himself so he was sitting right on top of Gerard, and he ran his hands all over Gerard's skin. He leaned down and began lick at Gerard's nipples, his tongue making circles upon them. Gerard began whimpering again, and his legs began twitching. Bert dug his nails on both hands into Gee's side pulling his hands down slowly, painfully towards his waist, leaving angry red marks on pale skin. When he became bored with Gerard's upper half, his hands began reaching for Gerard's belt buckle. Gerard began to tremble. Gerard thought of Mikey, of Frank, of Ray - how much he wished he could be safe at the hotel with them now. But there was no chance of that, and no one was coming to save him. _

___"Please," he began to plead with shaky breath, "... please don't do this." Bert could see Gerard was holding back tears. He stopped for a moment. But then continued on just seconds later, apparently having no response to that. Gerard really began to panic. He decided to attempt to run for it once more. Quick as he could, in order to take Bert by surprise so he didn't have time to react, he kneed Bert in the crotch as hard as he could and used all his strength to push him off, jumped off the ground and bolted for the door. _

___"YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT YOU LITTLE FUCK!", Bert screamed. _

___Again, Gerard was overpowered. This time, Bert seized Gerard by the waist, and lifted him, while Gerard violently kicked, shrieking at Bert to let him go. Bert was beginning to lose grip on Gerard, so he threw Gerard as hard as he could into a dusty book shelf that contained a bunch of CD's that came crashing down on him. Once again on the ground, Gerard immediately felt liquid running somewhere along his scalp. Whether it was blood or sweat, he did not know. His head was however in a lot of pain, and his vision was becoming blurred. He didn't have to see to know how pissed off and scary Bert probably looked at the moment however. He felt Bert over him, and he felt Bert's fist collide with his face repeatedly. He thought he heard his nose break. There's was a metallic tasting liquid that kept entering his mouth. Now that was blood. He tried to shield himself from the blows, but Bert would be one step ahead of him each time. He was baffled at how someone could be so swift when they were both drunk and high at the same time. Bert was yelling something at him, but he couldn't understand. Finally the blows stopped, and Gerard barely had enough time to comprehend that fact before he felt his wrists being grabbed roughly and he was maneuvered onto something soft and elevated - the sofa. Bert released his wrists and began fumbling with his belt buckle again while he felt blood still gushing from his nose, all over his face. At this point, Gerard was far too dizzy and pained to fight back, and his stomach still hurt from the earlier assault on it. Before he knew it cold air was hitting his legs. Bert hadn't taken off his underwear yet. No, he was savoring it, running his hands up and down Gee's legs this time. Bert took his knife and made a small incision on Gerard's thigh, licking the blood that poured out of it. It was apparent Bert enjoyed doing this, because he made even more incisions after that, lapping up the blood that he could squeeze out each time. Finally, his hands found their way onto Gerard's underwear, playing with Gerard's private parts through the underwear. Bert wanted to draw this out. Gerard was whimpering yet again. Or was that crying? Neither of them were sure. _

___Bert fingered the outline of Gee's underwear until finally pulling them down, exposing genitalia. Gerard was crying for sure now. Bert was even more aroused. He enclosed his mouth around Gerard's soft cock, roving his tongue around everything he could find between Gerard's legs. The incisions he had made on Gerard's legs had started to bleed again, but Bert was bored with those. Eventually, Bert decided it was time to unclothe himself. He eyed Gerard warily and went on to remove his shirt. And Gerard attempted to sprint away again. _

___My god, when will this kid learn?_

___He dove for Gerard, who surely couldn't get far with his injuries, but Gerard hadn't gone for the door this time. Gerard had picked up a vase on a table and hurled it at Bert, and Bert dodged it, but narrowly. Gerard just grabbed the next object he could find and threw that instead, that time, hitting Bert's leg. Which hurt. _

___"STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!", Gerard cried, still hurling random objects at Bert, although very few were actually hitting. Bert scoffed at such a pathetic attempt, as none of the objects he was going for were big enough to do much damage either way. He was getting increasingly fed up with Gee. How dare he be so uncooperative? After he had only been trying to help Gerard? After he had forgiven Gerard for his misbehaviors in the past? He needed to be taught a lesson, and he needed it taught now. And two could play at the "throwing things" game. He picked up a ceramic ash tray next to him and threw it at Gerard. Gerard ducked, but it was the reaction Bert had hoped for. Taking this window of opportunity, he kicked Gerard and knocked him down to the ground once again with ease. He bent over and grabbed Gerard by the ankle, and dragged him by it over to the rug on his stomach. Gerard tried fruitlessly to resist once more, desperately clutching to the floor with his nails, ripping off one of them as a result. He was screaming again, god this kid was noisy. Then again, Bert kind of liked it. Bert quickly removed his own pants then, while keeping one knee on Gerard's back to make sure he didn't try to scamper off again. With that done, he positioned himself on top of Gerard. Gee felt Bert's hard cock near his crack and became even more hysteric than before, if that was possible. This couldn't be happening to him, this just couldn't! _

___But it was. Bert grabbed Gee's waist with both hands, and without lubrication, pushed into Gerard's entrance as hard as he could. Gerard's screaming had reached an all time high. Bert pounded and pounded and pounded, and Gerard screamed and screamed and screamed. Bert groaned from the pleasure and Gerard cried from the pain. At some point, Bert turned Gerard around into a different position, where Gerard was lying down facing him, and Bert was kneeling upright moving his cock inside Gee's ass. Gerard's face had become swollen from the punches, and blood was still covering the majority of the lower half of his face, mixing with the tears. Bert noted that his own hands were covered in blood from gripping Gee's still bleeding legs whilst fucking him. There was bleeding from the penetration as well. Yet the picture wasn't complete. Bert's bloodlust was still not satisfied. He wanted Gerard to know that no matter what happened, Gerard belonged to him._

___So he picked up the knife again. He dangled it Gee's face playfully, and he could feel Gee tense underneath him even more. He found a good spot on Gerard's abdomen. And he dipped the blade and pierced into Gerard's skin lightly. Very lightly, drawing a slanted line. Gerard was in the most horrible agony imaginable. He couldn't even think straight, or comprehend what Bert was doing. Bert was killing him, that's what he was doing. Or at this point, he somewhat hoped so. He watched as Bert continued to draw random lines on his skin, and he alternated between letting out chortled cries and gritting his teeth in silence. Bert finished up with the knife, licked the blade, and smiled. He continued sliding himself in and out of Gerard, staring at the spot he had been cutting up a moment ago. The room was spinning and his vision was becoming blurred again. It was darkening. This is it, Gerard said, his tears now flowing silently. He would not fight death, and hoped to find some peace in it._

___Yet quite the opposite happened what felt like seconds later. A lot of noise occurred at the same time. First, someone calling out a name. Then screaming. Then crashing. Then footsteps that sounded as though they were running. Gerard did not know what was going on. Gerard slipped into unconsciousness shortly after he heard someone say something about calling Mikey._

___'Mikey...', was Gerard's last thought before letting the darkness engulf him. _

___Next chapter: Mikey is getting a little paranoid. _


	5. How'd We Ever Get Here?

Chapter Five: How'd We Ever Get Here?

It was 6 AM. Mikey and Frank were sound asleep, and Ray was pretending to sleep while playing Angry Birds on his phone. He had been especially nervous for Gerard since he left, and he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. At about 6:12 he heard a cell phone go off. Mikey's. Shit. Mikey would realize Gerard was gone if it woke him up! And sure enough, Mikey awoke, and Ray hid his phone and closed his eyes - he wasn't going to get in trouble with Mikey again just because Gerard was so keen on sneaking out nowadays.

"Hello?", he heard Mikey groggily answer. Ray listened carefully, wondering as to what justified such an early phone call.

"What?", he heard Mikey say in an alarmingly venomous tone. Gerard immediately came to mind. If he could facepalm, he would. He just knew something bad was going to happen to him if he went out tonight.

Mikey asked the caller as to their location, and then put the phone down, without having said goodbye to the person. Ray heard Mikey shuffle around, by the sound of it get dressed, and walk over to the bed he shared with Frank. He felt Mikey try to shake him awake, and he opened his eyes to see him doing the same to Frank.

"We have to go. Gerard's been attacked."

"Attacked?", Frank said disbelievingly, "By who?"

"I don't know," Mikey said looking extremely stressed. Ray felt a pang of sympathy for the boy. "Peter called me, they said they had him over by his house, they were pretty vague about the whole thing, and I didn't stay on the phone long enough to hear a lot of details."

"Peter...Bert's friend?", Frank was in thought, "But he was with us last night, how could he have - "

"Perhaps," Ray offered, "He snuck out while we were asleep?"

"Fuck.", was all Frank had to say, burying his face in his hands.

"There's no time for questions right now." Mikey insisted, "We have to go."

They arrived at a cottage like home near the hills. Frank was quiet, his chest was tight. How badly had Gerard been hurt? It was scary to think he got so much a puncture wound. Peter, a stubby, short man around his forties was already waiting by the door. He looked solemn as he approached them.

"He's barricaded himself in the bathroom. Won't come out.", Peter muttered.

"Who did this?" Mikey asked, although everyone had already guessed the answer.

"Bert McCracken.", Peter said bluntly.

"Well where the fuck is he?" Mikey said, and Frank could see Mikey's hands had balled into fists again.

Peter sighed and explained. Apparently what had happened was Peter and a couple of friends, in their drunken merriment from the party, decided to hit up the old club house. They had previously wondered as where Bert had gotten to, as it was nearly time for The Used to take their leave. They had gone into the little shack, and witnessed the horrific scene. One of them pried Bert off Gerard, and they gathered around Gerard to make sure he was still alive, one of them immediately calling Mikey, who apparently did not answer his phone the first few times. Bert fought with the person that had a hold on him and bolted for it, but they were too busy tending to Gerard to go after him. Their objective was to find anything they could to stop the bleeding, as blood was gushing everywhere. When they finally did, Bert had long gone and they thought to carry Gerard back to the house and onto a bed until Mikey would come for him. Turned out that Bert had left with his band to go to their next stop on their tour - which was all the way in London. They had considered a hospital, but factoring in Gerard's celebrity status and not to mention his overall fear of hospitals and their many, many needles, they said they would wait until the rest of the band got there to decide what to do. However, before that happened, Gerard came to and panicked. He scrambled for the bathroom and locked himself inside it, and they hadn't been able to come out since.

No one said anything after he was done talking, but all followed him inside to wherever this bathroom was. When they reached it, another man was sitting outside the door, perhaps trying to coax Gee into coming out. He greeted them and stood up, and backed away letting the band try to work their magic. They could hear someone softly sobbing from behind the door. Mikey was the first to approach. He knocked.

"Gerard?", Mikey inquired, "Gerard, it's me, Mikey. You wanna let me in?"

No response. Next it was Frank's turn.

"Gerard, sweetie? C'mon, open the door, everything's going to be okay, I promise."

No response. Ray was confused again.

"Why lock himself in? Why is he crying like that?" Ray asked, "You said you had to pull Bert off Gerard - what exactly were they doing Peter?"

Peter and the man whose name they did not know exchanged nervous glances. Now they had Frank and Mikey's attention too.

"Bert..uhhh...Bert..."

"Out with it." Frank said in an annoyed tone.

"Bert raped him.", the other man said in something close to a mutter.

"What?", Mikey, Ray, and Frank said simultaneously.

"Oh god..." Mikey choked. He covered his face in his hands not wanting to believe it. His chest was tightening, he was breathing quickly and tears were starting to well up in his own eyes. He immediately went to the door again.

"Gerard? Gerard, please let us in, I'm begging you!" Mikey cried urgently. He had begun to sob himself. Perhaps it was for that reason that the door cracked open just a bit a few moments later. Even in the worst of times, Gerard could not bear to hear his little brother crying.

The door had opened just a sliver, and they could see one blackened, swollen eye peering at them from between it. Frank and Ray exchanged glances and opened the door. When was curled up in a ball on the floor did not look anything like Gerard, given the exception of the same head of long cherry red hair. It had a face that was black and blue from bruises, eyes that were horribly swollen. He had a bathrobe on, so they couldn't see much else, but there were bruises on his wrists and his legs, amongst other things were covered in bandages and gauze, through which they could still see where blood had seeped through.

Mikey got on his knees and embraced the smaller boy tightly, sobbing into Gees's shoulder. Gerard would not look at any of them, keeping his eyes downcast, but he returned Mikey's hug, rubbing his brother's back.

"Jesus, Gerard." Ray breathed out, not really knowing what to say afterwards. He was in shock, and Mikey was devastated. Not that Frank wasn't too, but he decided to take control of the situation.

"Gerard.", He said, leaning down, "Do you wanna go to the hospital?"

Gerard shook his head no, still not wanting to look at Frank.

"What do you wanna do then?"

Gerard thought about that question. He wanted horrible things right now, really. He wanted booze, he wanted pills, he wanted a razor, he wanted death. Anything that would take him away from this misery, this humiliation, this pain. He stayed silent. He couldn't say those things, especially not in front of Mikey. It was really degrading enough to know that his baby brother who once looked up to him with highest regards is now seeing him as the broken whore that he had turned out to be. He couldn't keep his family safe and he couldn't make his brother proud. What kind of awful person was he?

"I think the best thing right now would be just to take Gerard back to the hotel and let him get some rest.", he heard Ray say somewhere between his thoughts. Evidently they had grown tired of waiting for him to answer. Everyone else muttered in agreement, and Gerard felt Mikey and Frank help him up. His abdomen was still hurting, as well as his whole lower half really, so it was difficult trying to walk. They both supported him on either side. Ray followed closely behind. And Ray wondered if things could possibly be any worse.

They could.

Mikey was sitting next to Gerard on the bed, who was lying on his side, not resting but more staring off into space. He was absent mindedly stroking his fingers through Gerard's hair comfortingly, although he wasn't sure if he was enjoying it or not. They had gotten him dressed into his regular clothes, and had seen the bruises and marks that now covered his battered body. He was covered in gauze almost everywhere. Frank had had to go to the bathroom in the middle of it because he had to throw up a little. The whole thing was sickening.

God, how could he have let this happen?

Mikey felt at fault for the whole thing. How could he have let Gerard get hurt like this? His brother being a celebrity, Mikey had kept an eye out for Gerard. He knew there were people out there that probably wanted to do some horrible things to his brother. Wanted to assault him, kidnap him, rape him. They had gotten plenty of threats and close calls in the past, and everyone got a taste of it. But Gerard was in a good position to get the worst of it, being the lead singer and arguably the eye candy of the band. He even hated those fucking "Geegasms" Gerard always pulled on stage, he felt like they encouraged people too much.

What had he missed?

He knew Bert was a bad idea from the beginning. Even back when they were friends last time, he didn't like Bert at all. Bert was a bad influence, and Gerard didn't need someone like Bert in his life, especially with the problems he had. Mikey even recalled Bert making remarks about Gerard's attractive looks in the past. Maybe he had thought Bert was just joking around. But of course his brother was beautiful, everyone knew that. Who could blame Bert for being attracted to Gerard? Even Mikey had felt maybe a moment of attraction here and there. Gerard was just one of those people you couldn't help but fall for. But Bert had had more than an attraction to Gerard, but an obsession, a hunger. Feelings, you could say. And it showed. This was a big part of why Mikey was sickened by him back then, and he wondered why in God's name he hadn't done everything in his power to stop Gerard from going anywhere near Bert now, especially when he knew they were in the same town and they were talking again. He wanted to fucking murder Bert McCracken. For every scratch he had put on Gerard, he wanted to inflict 100 times that pain on Bert. He wanted to hear Bert screaming in agony, begging to be spared. He wanted to do terrible, terrible things to Bert. Death may not have even be punishment enough for what he did.

Mikey sighed and got up to make himself some coffee. Coffee would be good for his brain right now. He made Gerard a cup too, even though he wasn't really expecting Gee to drink it. Just a habit, he supposed. When he turned around to resume his place on the bed, he saw Frank had stolen his spot, and he was kissing Gerard's forehead while stroking his back soothingly. Whispering words of comfort. He thinks he sees Gerard's mouth twitch a little.

Mikey felt his grip on the cups tighten. He would just have to be a little more watchful of who gets near Gerard now, wouldn't he?

Next chapter: Can't we all just get along? Apparently not.


	6. Falling Apart

A/N: First of all, thanks for all the reviews guys. Sorry it took so long to update, had a lot of school stuff to take care of. Second of all the beginning of this chapter was incredibly awkward to write… just because it was really awkward. Just thought you should know.

Chapter Six: Falling Apart.

They were on their way to Salt Lake City, Utah. The guys had bought more gauze from a CVS as it was the sort of thing that needed to be changed daily. Gerard had been healing well as far as the swelling went. Frank had taken on the duty of helping Gerard with the changing of the gauze for tonight. It was an extremely uncomfortable thing to think about - it would be the first time Gerard's wounds would have been exposed since they found him, and some of them were in very intimate areas. So there they were, sitting in the bathroom of the bus. Neither of them said anything as neither of them really knew what to say, but Frank supposed he would have to be the one to guide Gerard through this.

"Right, umm... I kinda need you to take off your clothes for me.", Frank mentally face palmed the minute he said it. It just sounded so inappropriate, no matter how many times he re phrased it in his head. Gerard sat on the covered toilet, and continued to stare, not moving. Frank sighed and kneeled down so he was level with Gerard. His face was inches away from Gee's, and he could see clearly into the depths of Gee's eyes. They looked lost, confused. Still staring into them, he gently took a hold of both sides of Gerard's shirt and pulled it over his head. Neither of them broke eye contact. Frank went for the pants next, unzipping and pulling them down. He could hear and feel Gerard's breath quickening, he saw his eyes widen. Frank raised his hand to stroke one side of Gerard's face whispering, "Shh, its okay.", in his best attempt to put the boy at ease. He figured it would be best to leave Gerard's underwear on, they were rather small and covered none of the wounds that needed gauze anyway.

Finally breaking the gaze, Frank set about his business, this time avoiding eye contact with Gerard. Frank winced and frowned at some of the deeper looking wounds, and he felt sicker and sicker as he kept going. Gerard was looking everywhere but down, he himself hadn't seen his own wounds properly. Felt them, but not seen them, as he had been unconscious when they bandaged him. The funny thing was, both Gerard and Frank had imagined something like this before. One or both of them nude or at least nearly, the close contact. Frank had wanted to run his hands over Gerard's beautiful body for the longest time. But not like this. Not when it was in such ruins. Gerard, as a person, was in ruins. Frank's heart broke at the tragedy of that. Frank finally got to the particularly large one on Gerard's abdomen and stopped. Frank had to close his eyes for a minute, and for the second time that week, he felt like crying for Gerard. Gerard was puzzled at what caused the sudden cessation of contact, and he looked down at the wound that Frank had uncovered. He traced his fingers over it. In a very sloppy manner, the word "WHORE" had been carved into his skin.

Mikey kept staring at the bathroom door. What was taking them so long? Mikey knew he should have been the one to do this, but Frank had insisted. Said he needed to spend alone time with Gerard, as he hadn't been able to since everything fell apart. Mikey wondered what that even meant. He was resisting the urge to go barging in himself when the door flung open. Gerard stormed out first, looking like he wanted nothing more than to run into bed and be left alone. He stomped off to the bunk beds silently. Moments later, Frank walked out as well, looking uneasy. Mikey approached him.

"What happened in there? What's going on?", Mikey asked.

"Nothing." Frank said with an unreadable expression, "It's done."

"Well why does he look so upset?" Mikey prodded.

"How could he not be? He's been through a horrible ordeal."

Frank saw Mikey narrow his eyes. Frank felt annoyed. Frank knew Mikey had been really on edge over his brother since the deaths of Lindsey and Bandit, and current events had not helped in the slightest. And for the most part, Frank sympathized with the younger Way. But this was hard on everyone, and everyone was worried and nervous and scared. Mikey just had to understand that.

"I'll take care of the gauze next time.", Mikey said sternly.

"Fine.", Frank replied just as coldly. He didn't need to argue with Mikey right now. He was tired, rather disturbed after what he just saw, and he just wanted sleep. Frank shoved the gauze kit into Mikey's chest rather roughly and retreated to the bunk beds himself.

Frank woke up at around 3 AM. He could instantly locate what had awoken him. Gee was sobbing again. Frank sighed, he knew he wasn't going to get back to sleep unless he did something. He looked at Mikey, who was on the bunk on top of Gerard's, just to make sure he was still asleep, and once he did, he quietly tip toed his way over to Gee's bed, crawling into it beside him. He put his arm around him, and Gerard turned over, so he was facing Frank, and he buried his face into Frank's chest, both his hands desperately gripping at Frank's shirt like if he didn't, he'd fall to his death. Frank embraced the petite figure tightly, never wanting to let him go.

"I'm scared F-Frank." Gerard said between sobs. This the first time Gerard had really said anything since the night with Bert. Frank felt shamefully flattered that Gerard would open up to him first.

"Shh," Frank soothed, stroking at Gerard's hair, "Everything's going to be okay now, nobody's going to hurt you anymore."

"No," Gerard said, his sobs having quelled down, but his voice still painfully strained, "The show - I don't know if I can -"

"Hey," Frank said, "You don't have to do a single thing you don't want to. We still have time to cancel, you just give us the word and we'll go straight back home."

"I want to. I really, really want to. I just don't know if I can."

"You can do anything you set your mind to. Fuck, that sounds fucking cheesy.", Frank cursed. Gerard snickered a bit. That made Frank smile. "You're so amazing Gee. I mean thousands of people idolize you, think of you as their hero. You're my hero. I know you're going to get through this okay."

If it wasn't so dark, Frank would have seen the small smile that Gerard cracked. And it was a real smile, not drunken, nor was it twitchy. It was small, but it was there. He would never dare say it, but at least here, in Frank's arms, he finally felt safe.

Gerard awoke and there was an empty space on the bed where Frank had been. He frowned. Where had he gone? It was then Gerard heard yelling coming from somewhere at the end of the bus, and he identified the voice as Mikey's.

"HE. DOESN'T. NEED. THIS. RIGHT. NOW!", Mikey shrieked.

"NEED WHAT? Comfort? Friends?" Frank was yelling back, "NO MIKEY, obviously that's the last thing he needs!"

"Guys - ", chimed in Ray, who was trying desperately to calm both parties down. Usually angry Mikey was bad enough, but Frank was enraged as well.

"He doesn't need YOU! He doesn't need you trying any shit on him right now!"

"Is that what you fucking think I've been doing? You seriously fucking think, after he's been fucking molested I would seriously be like 'Hey baby, want to go out for good fuck tonight'? Do you even fucking KNOW me?"

"I SAW YOU IN HIS BED THIS MORNING!"

"He was FUCKING crying last night! I was trying to console him! It's a fuck lot more useful to him then all the fucking finger pointing you've been fucking doing!"

"Frank - ", Ray attempted again.

"FUCK YOU!," Mikey screamed, his voice at ear shattering volumes, "Stay the fuck away from my brother!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?", Frank retorted, his voice now matching the ferocity of Mikey's, "I already FUCKING told you, I wouldn't even fucking think of bringing up-"

"Who said you needed to fucking ask? Bert fucking didn't! I don't want you trying to take advantage of him right now!"

"MIKEY!", Ray yelled in disbelief.

"How dare you - you fucking think- what the fuck?" Frank stammered, now at a loss for words, "If you actually fucking think I would EVER, EVER hurt Gerard - then you fucking don't know me at all. I don't fucking know you. Fuck this, I'm leaving."

The sound of a door slamming. Silence. Wait, what?

It was barely then that Gerard noticed they weren't moving. They must have arrived already, and they either let him sleep in or under all the commotion they had forgotten to wake him up. The warm, safe feeling that Gerard had barely been able to achieve just last night now slipped away. He fell into despair once more. His band was falling apart. Their friendships were falling apart. Mikey hurt Frank. All because of his stupid mistakes. It was all his fault. He felt a panic swelling up in his chest again, and his eyes stung. He needed something, now. He knew the guys had removed all the booze and pills from the bus the first night Gerard had stumbled home from hanging out with Bert. Finding a small mirror, he smashed it against the bed post until it broke it into shards, and picked out a particularly sharp looking one. This would do just fine.

Next chapter: Jimmy, Steve, and Chantal are displeased.


	7. Run, Bunny, Run

A/N: Okay so I kinda goofed. The preview for this chapter that I put at the end of the last one isn't until next chapter. See I was writing that chapter until I realized that I left out a bunch of stuff, so I had to go back and write this one in between the chapters. So yeah. My bad.

Chapter Seven: Run, Bunny, Run.

Gerard dropped the shard. He could hear someone coming. He had hidden himself in the bathroom, and had only made a few cuts around his upper arm. And man did they feel good. But he wasn't about to let anyone else find out about this. He didn't need to look weaker than he already seemed. Quickly, he put his shirt back on, thanking heavens it was black, lest any blood seep through the material. There was a knock.

"Gerard, are you in there?" It was Mikey. Gerard felt a surge of annoyance. He was still feeling a bit angry with Mikey for being so rude to Frank. He decided to try to make conversation short. "Yeah.", he replied.

"When you're done could you get out here, I need to talk to you."

Gerard sighed. Well, there was no point in putting it off. He got up and opened the door to come face to face with his troubled looking brother. He walked past him and went over to the beds, sitting on one and waiting for Mikey to continue.

Mikey sat next to him.

"How're you feeling?" Mikey asked.

"Fine."

"You know that's not true."

"Why not?"

Mikey gave Gerard a look, "Please just talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"You were raped."

Gerard cringed. While he knew it was what they were talking about, he hadn't expected Mikey to say it so bluntly, if at all. Really no one had said anything about it until now. He didn't know how to respond. Mikey spoke instead.

"We should report it."

"No."

"You're just going to let him get away with this?"

"It was my fault Mikey..."

"HOW? HOW could this POSSIBLY be your fault?"

"Would you stop yelling? I snuck out with him, alright, I took his alcohol, I let him touch me. Its not Bert's fault, it's not Frank's fault, it's no ones fault but my own. And I'm sorry, Mikey, I'm so fucking sorry I had to put you through this." Gerard sounded extremely bitter.

"None of that is true and you know it. This is Bert's fucking fault and if we don't let the police get him, next chance I get, I'm going to fucking hunt him down and rip his fucking entrails out!"

"No one is going to do anything!" Gerard said sternly, "My family is dead! I have enough shit to deal with without the public finding out, or needing to get examined, or going on trial! Bert and I are both fucking famous, we take this to authorities, and anything is done about it, its going to be really fucking hard keeping it a secret!"

"Okay Gerard."

"And speaking of having enough to deal with, what the fuck is your problem with Frank?"

"I'm - I'm just scared for you Gerard. I don't want you to get hurt again."

"Stop worrying about me Mikey, I'll be okay. The best thing you can do for me right now is just help me try to get everything back the way it was. Can you do that for me?"

"I'll try. But I can't make any promises."

"I guess that's all I can ask for." Gerard turned to Mikey and smiled. Mikey planted a kiss on Gerard's forehead.

"I love you Gee."

"I love you too Mikes."

"C'mon, we have to get off guys.", came the sound of Ray's voice.

They leapt off the bus and walked over to the hotel. Some fans were already outside waiting for autographs. They had surrounded the door making it impossible not to oblige at least a few of them. Before they finally got to go in the hotel, Gerard spotted two men in the far distance. They looked vaguely familiar. The men were staring at Gerard, and one of them leaned in and whispered to the other. Suddenly Gerard remembered. Those men had been at the party. Bert's friends. Gerard's heart started pumping ten times faster. Choosing to ignore it, Gerard rushed inside, hoping the run in was merely a coincidence.

A few hours later the phone to their room rang. It was the front desk informing them that they had some packages to pick up. This wasn't unusual, many times they would get packages from fans that they asked to be delivered to the band's room. So Ray volunteered to be the one to go pick them up.

As they scrounged absentmindedly through the letters and gifts of love and admiration, Gerard frowned as he saw the pile of gifts that belonged to Frank, which sat there untouched on the table. He was starting to get worried. He made a note to give Frank's phone a call and coax him into coming back once he was through.

Mikey was wincing at a "Frikey" collage someone had put together when he heard a horrible scream. Instantly, he turned to look at Gerard. His brother was wide eyed, and had his hands over his mouth, staring down at an open box in front of him. Both he and Ray rushed over immediately and looked in it. There was a turned over dead rabbit lying inside it, its abdomen having been sliced open, with its intestines pouring out slightly. It was covered in blood and maggots, which were crawling around the rabbit's corpse. There was a blood stained note by the side of it.

It read, 'Message from Bert. Don't blab if you don't wanna end up like this bunny rabbit. We're watching you.'

"Oh god!" Mikey exclaimed, pulling Gerard away from where he was sitting. "Get that thing out of here!", he yelled at Ray.

Ray nodded, immediately closing and grabbing the package, running out of the room with it in his arms.

Gerard was trembling, hyperventilating. Mikey was trying to soothe him but he couldn't think of a way as to how, as he felt very shaken himself. Mikey heard him gasping out something about wanting Lindsey, and it made him even more at a loss for words. Gerard wrestled himself out of Mikey's grasp, and Mikey was still in too much shock to react quick enough to stop him. Gerard had run into the bathroom again. He locked the door so Mikey wouldn't go in. He needed his little glass shard. He sat on edge of the bathtub, pulled off his shirt, took the shard out of his pocket and resumed slicing up his arm again. As soon as the glass started digging into his skin, slicing through it, he felt better. His breathing slowed.

"Gerard?", came Mikey's voice from the other side of the door. It sounded scared and panicked. Gerard felt guilty for leaving Mikey out there after what he just saw. "Gerard, what are you doing in there?"

Just a few more cuts.

"Gerard? Please answer me!"

Mikey was getting extremely nervous. He pounded on the door. "Gerard!" he shrieked. The room was spinning. He was never prepared to handle this.

Next chapter: The stuff I said was going to happen in this chapter lol.


	8. And You Can't Keep My Brother!

Chapter Eight: And You Can't Keep My Brother!

It was the next day and Gerard was finally feeling better once more. Never mind the fact that he now had several self inflicted wounds all over his upper arms. It had taken a while to assure Mikey that everything was fine, and that they didn't need to worry about the threat as they had agreed not to say anything anyway. Or so he hoped. Gerard had called Franks phone a thousand times shortly after the rabbit incident, all of which went unanswered, but Frank had returned for the show, although he hadn't spoken to anyone, including Gerard, since the fight. Now he was at his make up stand, they were getting ready for the performance, and he couldn't help but notice everyone throwing nervous glances in his direction. But he tried not to let that faze him. He was finally going to be on stage again, he was excited, and that's all that mattered.

"Five minutes till show time.", he heard someone announce. That was their cue to go line up by the stage and be ready to start off the show. He leapt up and went to go stand next to Frank, behind his band mates. He could already feel the immense amount of tension between Frank and Mikey. In what Gerard would have liked to say was an attempt to make things better, he grabbed Frank's hand sneakily, giving it a small squeeze. Frank looked up at him and they exchanged small smiles before "Look Alive Sunshine" bursted through the stadium. They could hear the audience explode into screams. All the band members one by one leapt up to the stage. Frank returned Gerard's squeeze and kept a hold of Gee's hand until he had gone as well. Finally, the only one left to go was Gerard. He took a deep breath and stepped out into the light.

As they blasted through "Na Na Na", Gerard looked around. There was an unusual amount of signs being held up bearing his name. Word and statements of love and support such as "Gerard Way saved our lives!" and "Stay strong Gerard, we love you!" . As Gerard had hardly been online or watched tv recently, he had forgotten that the news of Lindsey and Bandit would have spread amongst the public. Gerard let a huge grin spread across his face as they burst into "Thank You For The Venom". The crowd roared with enthusiasm and it fueled him more, as he looked upon hopeful and admiring faces, some of them incredibly young, that looked as though they had died and gone to heaven. Gerard wondered how they would feel about their idol if they knew how dirty, how pathetic, how much of a hassle he had become off the stage. But no, he was not going to think of that now. For now, he felt amazing, and at least for these next two hours, nothing was going to stop him.

Mikey watched Gerard bounce around all over the stage. Currently they were on "Planetary (Go!)", and Gerard couldn't be more into it. Mikey was dumbfounded at first - where had this Gerard come from all of a sudden? He had been gone for so long now, Mikey hadn't recognized him at first. But then he took one, real good look at the audience and understood. It was the fans. It was the music. They were the other half of Gerard's life that wasn't Lindsey and Bandit. It was as close to going home as he could ever get now. And Mikey was happy again, because he brother was happy again. Yet what was unsettling to him was that he could see Frank out of the corner of his eye just as awed as he was.

They were playing Helena. Frank just could not stop staring at their singer. There had always been an immense beauty to Gerard's performances, but tonight it was truly beyond words. Gerard's movements were fierce, his screams gripping, and his singing full of emotion and passion. Frank was possibly the most captivated he had ever been by Gerard in his entire life. He looked at the other guys, and he could tell Gerard was blowing them away too. They reach the bridge, and Frank thinks he hears Gerard choke a little when he belts out the lyrics, "...when both our cars collide!", but it is easily unnoticed. Later, they begin to play Vampire Money, which had always been one of his favorite songs to play. It was just such a fun song, and had a lot of room for bouncing and jumping around on stage. Gerard hops over to Frank and Frank leans in and licks Gerard's face. The crowd explodes into screams, Gerard doesn't seem to mind, but Mikey sends him the dirtiest look he's ever seen. Frank rolls his eyes and keeps playing.

"Cancer" was up. Gerard felt incredibly sad that the show was at it's end. The past two or so hours had been so therapeutic, he never wanted it to be over. His heart felt so much lighter now that he had let all its ache bleed out into his music.

"'Cause the hardest part of this, is leaving you..."

Gerard felt tears well up in his eyes once again. No truer words had ever been spoken.

~  
A big after party was being thrown. Most everyone was incredibly happy with themselves, feeling accomplished and victorious. They all had been so worried that the show would blow up in their faces, that Gerard would have some sort of mental breakdown halfway through the set, that all the fighting and tension would show, but no - the show had been absolutely amazing. It just went to show that nothing could break apart My Chemical Romance, because they could overcome anything. Or at least, that's how they felt. Everyone was intent on congratulating Gerard especially, expressing their awe and admiration. So naturally, Gerard retired to their hotel room early, though he was still feeling the rush of the performance. He had been laying in bed, drawing up a new song in his head, one he had been working on for a while now, when he heard the door open and close. It was Frank. Gerard stared as Frank walked over and sat beside him.

"Hey.", Frank said with a goofy smile. Gerard could smell a very strong amount of liquor on him, he must have gotten trashed at the party and came back early. He had an inkling as to why. Gerard sat up and looked directly at Frank. "Hey.", he responded.

Now, Frank was drunk. Not that he had meant to, but as a small guy, it didn't take him a lot to get wasted. Perhaps he had simply let himself have one shot too many. Could you blame him? Even amongst all the celebration, he could tell that Mikey was still mad at him, and Ray was still uneasy about it. He wanted to enjoy tonight, he should enjoy tonight. After he had managed to shake off sobriety, there had only been one thing missing - Gerard. And that wasn't any good. So he tracked Gerard down and here he was, face to face with their singer once more. Looking again into those beautiful, sad eyes that held so much depth to them. God, he was beautiful.

"Why are you so fucking pretty?", Frank slurred out and burst out laughing immediately after. Did he seriously just say that out loud? Gerard wasn't laughing, and Frank feared he might have made the boy uncomfortable. He tried to stop his giggling, and eventually got them to slow down, although he still felt himself grinning. He was about to say something to deviate away from the awkward question he asked, but he had no time to, as Gerard had closed the space between their faces and had kissed him hard.

Mikey was enjoying himself. He had had a few to drink, and he was definitely buzzing it. He was surrounded by all his crew, co workers, and friends. From what he heard, Gerard had gone to bed early, but he understood. He had already done way more than was expected of him tonight, and he took down a mental note that he would give his brother the biggest hug ever when he saw him next. He was conversing with someone when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun around. It was Chantal Euringer.

"Chantal!", he exclaimed happily, and they exchanged a hug. Behind her he could see Jimmy and Steve grinning at him too.

"What on earth are you guys doing in Utah?", he asked.

"Oh well, we heard about the big show and we came out here and thought we'd surprise you after!", Chantal explained. "You guys did SO great tonight!"

"Where's GeeGee?", Jimmy asked.

"He went to the room early, probably didn't want to deal with all the people.", Mikey said, "But I'm sure he'd love to see you guys! I'll take you to the room in a bit."

Frank was mentally panicking. This was wrong. This was so fucking wrong. But fuck, this felt good. He and Gerard's tongues were still wrestling in each other's mouths, their mouths gripping at each other tightly. Gerard's hands were fumbling at Frank's shirt. Frank's were doing the same with Gerard's. Gerard finally managed to peel Frank's off, and he ran his hand's all over Frank's muscular body. Gerard then wasted no time in undoing Frank's belt and removing his pants until he was just in boxers. Frank took this as a good time to remove Gerard's shirt. Frank opened his eyes and broke the kiss.

"Woah, woah wait - what the fuck is this?"

He was running his fingers over Gerard's cuts on his upper arms. Fuck, Gerard had forgotten about those.

"I'm sorry.", was all Gerard could think to say.

"You did these? Gerard, why?", Frank frowned. Any sort of erection he had died instantly and he felt suddenly very sober.

"I'm sorry...", Gerard repeated and he looked like he was about to cry again. Frank sighed and pulled Gerard into his arms as Gerard let the tears fall from his eyes silently.

"Fuck Gerard, please don't do shit like this. I'm already so worried about you."

Frank began to wonder if maybe they couldn't handle Gerard themselves after all. He felt Gerard push off him and Gerard went in to kiss him again. Frank gently pushed Gerard's tear streaked face away.

"No, Gerard - I don't think this is a good idea..."

"Please, Frankie, I need you right now...", Gerard said softly before resuming kissing Frank. Frank didn't know what to do. It was obvious Gerard was in a very confused point in his life. He didn't want to confuse him even more. Yet he wanted more than anything to make Gerard feel better, and if this is what would do it, then why shouldn't he? It is what he wanted for so long, after all. Frank reluctantly put his hands around Gerard's naked waist, and Gerard rubbed his hand over Frank's thigh. Frank moaned, his cock returning to its erect state. Frank placed his hands, putting them slightly down Gerard's pants. Gerard tensed a little, and Frank pulled his hands away immediately, but Gerard grabbed his hands and thrust them back in, groaning at the touch.

Frank was getting heated at the noises Gerard was emitting. He removed Gerard's pants rather quickly, and pushed Gerard onto the bed, so that Frank was now lying on top of him, both of them in only their underwear. He was running his hands all over Gerards body. Both of them were breathing extremely fast. Frank stuffed his hand into Gerard's boxers, feeling around his junk. Gerard was whimpering.

"OH MY GOD.", someone shrieked.

They both snapped their heads to the door, where the scream had come from. Mikey, Chantal, Jimmy, and Steve were all standing by the doorway, looking disbelievingly at what they just walked in on.

Mikey was expressionless. Frank immediately put his pants back on, and was the first to stand.

"Mikey, I can explain."

Then things happened very quickly. Mikey sped over to Frank and punched him hard in the face. Having not had enough, he grabbed Frank by the throat and squeezed down, screaming "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!". Jimmy was trying his best to pull Mikey off Frank. Gerard was shrieking at Mikey to stop, and had started hysterically bawling again. Mikey was throwing Frank into various things, and Frank was too shocked by the sudden outburst to do much about it. Gerard decided to take action. Running into the brawl, he put himself in front of Frank, who was just about to get another swing in the face by Mikey, but Gerard felt the blow instead. Frank screams Gerard's name. There was a moment where everyone froze in shock before the blood came flowing out of Gerard's nose. Gerard stared at Mikey and Mikey stared at Gerard, horrified at what he'd done. Then to everyone's horror, Gerard passed out on the floor. Finally, Steve dove in and held back Mikey while Jimmy pulled Frank away.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?", Chantal screamed.

Simultaneously both Mikey and Frank started explaining frantically.

"ONE AT A TIME!" 

Frank took a few deep breaths and went ahead, "Gerard was raped a few weeks ago and this fucking asshole seriously fucking thinks I'm taking this opportunity to get in Gerard's pants!"

"Well if I'm fucking wrong, then what the fuck did we just walk in on?"

"HE FUCKING KISSED ME!"

"WHY WERE YOUR HANDS ALL OVER HIS CROTCH THEN?"

As they continued to scream at each other, Frank saw Chantal whisper something to Steve, who nodded. Steve bent down and picked up Gerard and Chantal motioned at Jimmy that they were leaving. Steve led them out the door with Gerard still in his arms.

"What the fuck are you doing?", both Frank and Mikey had stopped arguing and were staring perplexed.

"We're taking him." Chantal said bluntly. "He just lost his family for God sakes. He doesn't need this right now."

"You can't fucking do that!", Mikey objected, "That's fucking kidnapping!"

"We're his friends too fucktard.", Jimmy crossed his arms looking as though he were daring Mikey to say otherwise. Mikey looked at Frank for support but Frank had just started staring at the floor.

"FUCK YOU!", Mikey shrieked hysterically before attempting to make the same dive at Jimmy that he had at Frank. Suddenly, he felt blinded - Chantal had sprayed pepper spray in his eyes.

"You can have him back when you stop acting like immature children!", and with one last 'hmph!', Chantal led her boys, and Gerard, out of the room.

Next chapter: A light at the end of the tunnel? Something like that. And Mikey apologizes.


	9. Home Is Where The Heart Is

Chapter Nine: Home Is Where The Heart Is.

Gerard was 26 again. He was walking with Bert around a deserted canyon. It was the middle of the night. They hadn't told anyone else they were leaving of course, just snuck out as usual. Other people would just be intrusive about it anyway. They were walking up a steep hill. "I want to show you the scarecrow.", Bert turns to him and says, and he grabs Gerard's hand and pulls him. Next thing Gerard knew they were standing by a wrecked car, that looked like it had been there for decades. Gerard peered in the back seat and screamed. The corpse of a faceless child was lying on it, its abdomen ripped open with the entrails pouring out, maggots eating at its flesh. Then there were maggots crawling all over the car. Gerard began to run, the area had turned into a forest and Bert was nowhere to be found. Something grabbed his ankle and he tripped, hitting the ground. He began to sob softly. It was dark. He was lost. He was scared. He didn't know how he got there, or what was happening, why this was happening, he just wanted to go home. He tried to scream for help, but no sound was coming out of his mouth. He had lost his voice. He was going to die here.

"GERARD!"

Gerard woke up to the sound of someone yelling his name. He sees a girl looking down at him with a concerned look on her face. Chantal! Wait Chantal? What was Chantal doing here? Then all the events of last night came flooding back. The party. The smell of alcohol. The sex. Mikey. Frank.

Oh god, Frank.

Gerard buried his face in his hands. He was going to kill Mikey. He felt Chantal put a hand on his arm.

"Heeey, you feeling any better kiddo? You didn't seem like you were sleeping to well so I woke you up."

Gerard offered her a smile "Thanks." He looked around and saw that this wasn't their hotel room. "Where am I? Where are the guys?"

Chantal looked uneasy now. "Well we took you to our room after you blacked out. Seemed like you kinda needed to get away from whatever drama was going on there, and your bro was going berserk after - well - "

Gerard's cheeks flushed in humiliation when realization hit him like a brick. His brother and his dead wife's best friends just caught him slutting himself out to a very drunk Frank. Could a more disgusting human being possibly exist?

"Oh well everything's cooled down now probably.", Chantal assured, probably sensing Gerard's unease. "How bout some coffee?"

Gerard smiled, "I'd like that."

"I have to ask something though, I've been wondering since you guys left. Why on earth did you guys still decide to tour after what happened?", Chantal asked while she poured Gerard a cup as well as herself.

Gerard thought it over, " I think Mikey and the other guys really wanted us to. They think its important for us to be together right now."

"Well, I think its tearing you guys apart. Not trying to jump to conclusions but if last night was an indicator of how things have been I - I really think you need to go home. Go home, and try to work all the stuff out before jumping on the tour bus again."

"Well Mikey wants - "

"Forget what Mikey wants for a minute. What do you want?"

Gerard pursed his lips, "I guess I really don't know..."

"Well at least think it over then.", Chantal smiled at him.

"Sure - where's Jimmy and Steve?", Gerard asked, desperate to change the subject.

"Oh they went out shopping."

"Shopping?", Gerard raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Jimmy reckons he's in need of pants tighter than yours."

And they both laughed.

"We've really missed you.", Chantal set down next to him, putting her head on his shoulder. They hadn't seen or heard from Gerard since the accident, and they had been quite worried.

"I missed you guys too. Its just - hard, you know?"

"Oh, I know sweetie. But you're like family to us, just like she was. Like they both were.", Chantal insisted, "We don't wanna lose you too."

"I miss her...", Gerard gave a sad smile. It was the first time he had said it. It felt heartbreaking and good at the same time. Truthfully the reason he had avoided Chantal, Jimmy, and Steve was because being around them reminded him so much of Lindsey. And right now wasn't any different.

"We all do, honey. She would know how to deal with this mess..."

"Yeah, she would."

Mikey sighed. He had spent the morning trying to apologize to Frank but Frank refused to speak to him, or acknowledge his presence at all. And Gerard, he wasn't even sure how he would approach Gerard after this. How angry must he be right now? It wasn't just the punch in the face, but he had told Gerard he would try to get things back to normal. Yet things were now about as far from normal as they had ever been. He had to make this right, at least to some degree. Making up his mind, he went to win back his brother.

He walked over to Chantal, Jimmy, and Steve's room and pounded on the door. Chantal opened it and looked Mikey over apprehensively. From behind her, Mikey could hear the sounds of cheerful sounding chatter.

"Yes?", she raised an eyebrow at him.

"How is he?"

"Better, no thanks to you."

"I'm sorry, alright! I was kinda drunk and I misjudged. Can I please have Gee back?"

"No more shows. No more touring. He has enough on his plate to deal with without having to do a whole tour."

"But -"

Chantal gave him a stern look.

"Fine."

"You're sending that boy straight home."

"Fine."

"And you're making him see a grief counselor."

"Alright, alright! He'll get whatever he needs, can I please just see him?"

Chantal narrowed her eyes at him and stepped aside to let Mikey in. He saw Jimmy, Gerard, and Steve huddled on a bed playing Magic The Gathering. Gerard had a grin on his face and seemed to be very entertained by whatever Jimmy was muttering to him. Mikey cleared his throat to call Gerard's attention, and the three heads snapped up at him.

"Hey Mikey.", Gerard smiled at him.

"Hey…" Mikey winced at the splint he saw was on Gerard's nose. "….you wanna go back to the room? I think we have a lot to talk about."

"Hmm. Nah. Actually I think I'm probably going to spend the rest of today here.", Gerard said with somewhat of a weird cheerfulness.

"What? Why?"

"I'm having a good time. Does there really need to be a reason? We don't have a show till tomorrow anyway."

"Yeah, Mikey ." Jimmy butted in to Mikey's annoyance, "Don't be such a kill joy."

Everyone laughed except Mikey. Chantal attempted to lighten the mood. "Gerard should stay here for the day, we have a lot of catching up to do. BUT, how about we all go out for drinks later tonight at like this Dave & Busters type place down the street? It'll be fun! Then we can all catch up! And Gerard can go home with you guys after."

"Sounds great to me!", Gerard chimed before Mikey got a chance to speak. Steve and Jimmy all threw in their agreement.

"That sounds…", Mikey looked around the room, and realized he was outnumbered. Whatever it took to get Gerard back. "….fine."

"It's settled then. We'll meet you guys in the lobby at 7." Chantal said cheerfully and rather hastily ushered Mikey out the door.

Chantal was talking to someone on her phone, Jimmy was in the shower, and Steve had stepped out for a walk. This left Gerard to entertain himself. He was browsing around Jimmy's laptop when he saw something that made his stomach turn. Pictures of him with Lindsey and Bandit. Immediately, he wanted to reach for his shard again but there was no way someone wouldn't see. So he just kind of curled into a ball again.

He contemplated what Chantal had told him. He needed to go home. But where was home? Was home back in Los Angeles, where his family used to be? Where he would be alone with constant reminders of the loved ones he was never going to see again? Perhaps home was with Mikey, the last living fragment of his family. But that couldn't be home - because Mikey had his own life, with a lovely fiancé. He couldn't intrude on that. What about Frank? Frank had his own home to attend to, with Cherry and Lily. Sure Frank fooled around with him now, but it was only ever sexual, and only because they go on the road without their wives to go to for so long, it gets lonely. Frank would never love him that way, or think of him as more than a friend. Right? The more he narrowed down the list, the more and more he realized there was nowhere to turn. People were helping out now, sure, but once they send him "home", they'd all just go back to their regular lives and their homes. Their happy, living homes.

He just wanted to go back to his home. His real home. So where does that leave him now?

He had heard Jimmy talking to someone earlier. They were talking about the future of the band and Gerard caught wind of the possibility of a new bassist. That left a bitter taste in his mouth. They were replacing her so soon?

What he hated more than anything right now is all the things that felt more important to him than anything just two months ago, suddenly felt so disposable to everyone else. Was he just disposable like the rest of it?

Frank watched Gerard. They were at the eatery, and everyone else was having a splendid time. Gerard was laughing and smiling like he used to. He was still pissed at Mikey, but that didn't overpower the happiness he felt at seeing Gerard happy. He was laughing his real laugh again, the slightly girly, kinda weird laugh that Frank always loved. Frank couldn't help but smile too. After they had finished eating, and watching a drinking match between Jimmy and Steve (which Steve won), Gerard approached him.

"Wanna play some ski ball?", he motioned at the arcade the restaurant offered.

"Hell yeah, you fucking suck at that game.", Frank chuckled and followed Gerard to the ski ball stands.

They had a blast. The whole night consisted of video game matches between Frank and Gerard. Or at least as far as Frank knew, as he wasn't exactly watching anyone else. Gerard won a stuffed dog at the crane machine, and automatically gave it to Frank. Frank decided it was his new favorite dog. Although Gerard did kick him the shin for rubbing his loss at the driving games in his face. He couldn't help it, he was a sore winner, and Gerard was a bit of a sore loser. But Gerard was awful at driving games, he should have known better. Gerard got his revenge at air hockey however, with the score 9 to 2. Gerard didn't hesitate to rub it in Frank's face either.

So Frank naturally felt bitter when Jimmy pulled Gerard aside to spend a few games with him. But what could he do? It wasn't like he was on a date with Gerard.

Even though he kind of wished he was.

Instead Frank went over to play some Marvel vs Capcom with Ray. And even while he did, he now couldn't get Gerard out of his mind. But that was an understatement. Lately he had tried to convince himself he was just worried about his best friend, after all the awful shit he's had to endure. But Frank had an inkling it was more than that. Since they both had gotten married and had children, Frank had managed to push down his feelings for Gerard, but being with him lately has made him realize they were far from dead. And Gerard really needed someone to get him through all this. While he seemed happy at the moment, Frank knew he couldn't be really. He knew Gerard, and he knew when Gerard was keeping something locked up inside. Frank wanted to be the person to help him through this, to be with him through this, but he didn't want to hurt his family either.

So where does that leave him now?

He spent another hour chilling with Ray, but by the time they were done with the second round of basketball hoops, Frank had made up his mind. He had to go tell Gerard he loved him. At least tell him, so Gerard knew that someone did. And that there was someone who was willing to do damn near everything for him, in exchange for spending more nights with him like he did tonight. He went to go find Gerard, but he couldn't. He saw Jimmy talking to Mikey and approached him as to where he had gone.

"I don't know, he just said he was stepping out."

Mikey and Frank exchanged glances.

"How long ago?", Mikey asked, now interested as well.

"Holy shit, I'm not even sure. Like an hour or two ago."

Frank had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"I'm going to go look for him.", he said and stormed off out the door and down the street. He was surprised Mikey hadn't followed. Must be still felling uncomfortable about the previous night. He had good reason to. He looked around as he walked. No Gerard to be found. Maybe he had gone back to the room?

After about 20 minutes he managed to reach the hotel room and went inside. "Gerard?" No answer. "Gerard?" he called again. Still no answer. Frank realized he was still clutching the stuffed dog and put it down on the bedside table. That's when he saw the light on in the bathroom. He opened the door.

"GERARD!"

Gerard was sprawled out on the bathroom floor, an empty bottle of Tylenol next to him. His lips were blue and his eyes were wide. There was vomit on the floor that narrowly missed the toilet. Frank's heart was pounding in his chest, and he kneeled down next to Gerard to make sure his was at least beating. It was there, but very faint. Fuck it, he needed to call an ambulance. He called for one frantically and afterwards grabbed a hold of Gerard's cold hand. He was close to tears. "You can't do this to me right now Gerard, you gotta hold on okay?"

In a very creepy manner, Gerard slowly twisted his head so his eyes met Frank's. He was trying to say something but Frank couldn't understand, and Frank started crying in frustration. He could only make out the word "home." Realizing he was wasting time, he dialed Mikey's number.

Next chapter: Ray contemplates on the irony of it all.


	10. Heaven Help Us

A/N: Funny thing about this story, pretty much the ENTIRE thing came to me in a day dream while I was listening to Heaven Help Us. And scene in this particular chapter came to me during that part where its like, "Cause I'll give you all the nails you need/Cover me in gasoline/Wipe away those tears of blood again.." and that was totally unintentional, and that was the moment where I was like "OMG I have to make this a story!". So yeah, I thought I'd do a nice little nod to that and title this chapter….

Chapter 10: Heaven Help Us

Mikey was running. His heart was pumping out of his chest. He didn't know how long it had been since he had gotten the phone call from Frank. It was probably just thirty minutes ago, but somehow it felt like days ago. He had just dropped the phone and started running. His breath was ragged. He felt a panic attack edging forward, but he knew there was no time for that now. Right now he only knew one thing: he needed to get to Gerard.

Finally he reached it, the hospital room where they brought him. Frank was sitting by Gerard's bedside, sobbing. He was running his hand through Gerard's hair. It would seem Gerard hadn't woken up yet.

"Frank."

Frank snapped around and Mikey saw his old friend looking shattered. Mikey stepped forward and put a hand on Frank's shoulder. Frank said nothing for a while, except for occasionally choking back of a few sobs when he abruptly stood up. "I'll let you have him like usual then." He said bitterly before walking out, and he was gone before Mikey could even ask what he meant by that. Mikey took Frank's place in the chair.

Now it was Mikey's turn to cry, as he inspected the state his brother was in. Gerard looked, if possible, paler than usual. Like a weird, paper white. All sorts of IV's were hooked up to him. It was really a simple image, actually, in comparison to the beaten and bruised stage his body had been not too long ago - yet still just as heartbreaking. What happened to his big brother? Why him? He was always such a good person, such a sweet, kind person. Sure he had his quirks here and there, who didn't? But in the end he always meant well. And he didn't deserve any of this.

Slowly, the rest of their gang joined them. Jimmy and Chantal, Steve and Ray. But no one dared to pry Mikey away from Gerard or try to take his place by his side. No one dared to even go near them. Mikey was holding on to Gerard's hand with both of his hands, rubbing it with his thumb. But just like Mikey, they were all filled with sadness by seeing the state Gerard was in. The silence between all of them was horribly deafening. And they were all wondering, why? When they had just seen him smiling and giggling like his old self just a few hours ago? Frank knew. Frank knew Gerard must have made up his mind about what he was going to do a while ago, and that's why he was so happy. He wanted his last hours with his friends to be good ones. He didn't want anyone to think anything was wrong. Because Gerard didn't do spontaneous things like that. Frank felt almost angry at Gerard for not just telling him what was on his mind instead. But he was ashamed to admit he also didn't know if he would trade in those last bonding hours he spent with Gerard for anything, even the truth. What fueled that more than anything wasn't the fact that they had so much fun together, but the fact that Gerard had really spent those hours with him, and pretty much only him. If his calculations were correct, Gerard had gone off relatively quickly after Jimmy had pulled him aside. And Frank knew Gerard hadn't really spoken to anyone else that night. He approached him to play ski ball, he chose Frank. It was the most bittersweet feeling in the world.

Gerard could hear beeping noises. His mind was so fuzzy, he probably had the IQ level of a 3 month old right now. His mouth felt extremely dry. He could feel someone doing something with his hand. He also felt something else on his hands. Something that he had never hoped to feel again. Needles! He struggled to open his eyelids, which felt weirdly heavy and looked down, confirming what he had already thought.

"Mikey?", he rasped out. Mikey had had his head down on the bed, but he immediately turned to Gerard at the sound of his voice.

"Gerard!", Mikey yelled gleefully. Everyone was alerted now. They had been standing there for so long, no one had kept track of time. Yet none of them had wanted to leave.

"Mikey... get them off.", he said, shaking his hands to indicate what he meant. Mikey almost laughed, "I can't Gee, you need them but oh my god, thank god you're awake! I was scared out of my mind!"

Everyone was smiling at him. Gerard didn't care. His heart rate was gaining speed. "Mikey! GET THEM OUT!", he had started screaming.

"Gerard, please, calm down! I -", Mikey didn't know what to do. Gerard was starting to hyperventilate.

"We need to call a nurse.", Chantal insisted before running out to get one.

Frank was watching the scene uneasily. Gerard was panicking. Mikey was trying to calm him down but he just sort of ended up yelling over him. Jimmy was pacing back and forth being kind of useless. Deciding he'd had enough, Frank went over and encased Gerard in the tightest embrace he could at the awkward angle that was available to them. He rocked him back and forth and tried calming him down with shushing noises. It worked - Gerard had finally stopped screaming.

Mikey was relieved, but still felt a pang of jealousy watching the moment. He remembered back when they were kids, they both suffered from night terrors often. He remembered when Gerard would hold him, similar to the way Frank was doing now, comforting him. And he would do the same for Gerard. Slowly so much of that close brother relationship had dissolved since Frank and Gerard became best friends. And maybe more than that. Mikey didn't like to think about it, but he knew Gerard was in love with Frank. And now it was only Frank who could save him from his nightmares. Just as that thought had passed, he heard Gerard call his name. He went over to Gerard and Frank stepped aside.

"Mikes, I'm so sorry.", Gerard said and reached a hand out for Mikey to hold. Mikey took it and smiled at Gerard, and Gerard smiled back.

And then everything crashed and burned.

Unlike so many of the recent horrors the boys had experienced in the past days, this one seemed to happen in slow motion. First it was just Gerard taking a deep breath. Then it was him getting this terrified expression on his face, that Mikey would remember until his dying day. Then there was a sudden assortment of loud noises and monitors going off in all directions. Then, a crowd of people came running in, in scrubs and coats. Then Gerard's chest was having these spasms, like something was threatening to burst through it, he was struggling to breathe. There was a lot of screaming, a lot of yelling. Yet to Mikey it was almost like the room had gone completely silent - he couldn't hear any of it. Then he was being pulled away from Gerard, being yanked away, although he was fighting to keep his tight grip on Gerard's hand. Eventually that was ripped away too, and it felt as though his own heart was being ripped from his chest. He screamed Gerard's name at the top of his lungs, he was struggling with the people that were trying to tear him away from his big brother. His whole world was crashing down around him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't hear. All he could comprehend was that his best friend was dying right before his eyes. And finally he sees Gerard turn to him, and Gerard manages to mouth out the words "I love you!" (Or maybe he yelled out, Mikey wasn't sure.) before he gets thrown out of the room, into the hallway with the rest, all of whom were mortified, as the doctors and nurses fought to save him.

They couldn't.

A time of death was called. Chantal was crying. Jimmy was trying to comfort her, tears flowing from his own eyes. Frank was screaming, he was throwing random objects at the ground. Steve was silent, staring in shock. Ray had his face buried in his hands, and one could see his shoulders shuddering if they looked closely enough. And Mikey, well Mikey just fainted.

But Gerard was with his wife and child. He was home at last.

Frank was walking through the woods. He wasn't sure how'd got here, or why he was here. It was dark. He was lost. Even a bit scared. He travels a little further, only moonlight guiding his path. There's clearing up ahead and he walks into it, and a ways ahead, he sees Bert McCracken. Bert had a mask on, something similar to Party Poison's except it was completely black. He was surrounded by other faceless figures. There was a table in front of them, and Gerard was tied to it, naked. He was already cut up, drenched in his own blood, groaning in pain. Bert was holding the knife he carved him with.

"Let him go.", Frank said surprisingly calmly, considering what he just walked in on.

Bert sneered, "What's it to you?"

"He's not yours to take."

"You think he's yours?"

Frank said nothing to that, but instead focused on Gerard who was continuing to groan and writhe against his restraints. "Frankie…", he moaned out, "…it hurts…"

"I love him! PLEASE!", Frank began to sob.

Bert laughed maniacally and lowered his knife into Gerard's neck, about to sever. Frank was screaming for him to stop. "PLEASE! DON'T HURT HIM! I'LL DO ANYTHING! PLEASE, NO! I LOVE HIM! I LOVE HIM!" He was running towards them. He had to save Gerard.

"NO!", Frank shrieked finally waking up in a cold sweat. He was in his own bed. Back at his own house. He looked over and saw Jamia had not come back from work. He curled in a ball and began to sob uncontrollably, the night terror he had just experienced echoing in his mind.

"You think he's yours?"

No, but he should have been.

It was a week after the funeral. It was needless to say they had cancelled the tour. No one had spoken of the future of My Chemical Romance, but it was almost certain they were over. It seemed impossible to carry on without Gerard, at least for now. Ray and Christa were staying with Mikey and Alicia. Neither were sure who needed the other more at the moment. It was like they were trying desperately to still hold on to a band that had broken apart long ago.

Frank hadn't been at the funeral. Frank hadn't spoken to anyone since Gerard died. It made Mikey angry. While Frank could be pissed at him all he wanted to, couldn't he put whatever problem he had aside right now? At least for Gerard? He only got one funeral.

He was absentmindedly scrolling through one of Alicia's books that she had on their shelf. He couldn't read comics or play video games right now. They hurt too much. Ray was making some ramen over in the kitchen. Mikey's cell phone rang, it was Jamia. That's a bit weird, Mikey thought to himself. He decided not to answer. Then she called a third time. A fifth time. Finally Mikey realized she wasn't going to let up. He picked up the phone.

"Mikey..."

She was crying. Oh god.

"Yes, Jamia?", Mikey inquired in a hesitant voice.

"Frankie, he - he..."

Mikey felt his heart sinking.

"He what Jamia?"

"Hes killed himself, Mikey! It happened a couple of days ago. He - he left something for you... "

Dammit.

"Oh Jesus Jamia... I'll be right over.", Mikey hung up, horrified, and told Ray what had just happened. They both rushed over to their old friends house, Mikey still hoping to God that this was all some horrible, horrible nightmare.

They had arrived at Frank's and Jamia explained everything. Frank had hung himself in their bedroom the day before yesterday. She had come home to it, thanking the heavens that Cherry and Lily were still at school. While telling the tragic tale, Jamia would explode into sobs every now and then and they would have to wait for her to stop and try to comfort her before she could continue on. She explained he had left an envelope sealed letter with Mikey's name on it. She hadn't opened it nor did she show it to anyone. She had figured it was something between Frank and Mikey. If there was ever a moment Mikey had respect for anyone outside of Gerard and Alicia, it was then for Jamia. He would have opened it and read it a thousand times over had it been him. She handed him the plainly marked envelope and went to go check on the children, who were still wondering where their father was. Ray suddenly laughed. Mikey couldn't think of what he could possibly find funny at a time like this. It was a bitter laugh however, and Ray had a thoughtful look on his face.

"What?", Mikey asked.

"Nothing, it's just funny."

Mikey continued to look half confused and half disgusted, but said nothing so Ray continued on.

"Well more ironic than funny, really. None of this would have ever happened if we had just gone home the first time around. But we didn't because we were scared Gerard would hurt himself. How 'bout that? "

Mikey had no response to that except to continue to look disgusted, but at what, Ray wasn't sure. He shifted in his chair awkwardly before he said he was going to step outside for a smoke, a habit he had taken up lately - in addition to a new found love for drinking. Mikey was left alone with his letter.

Mikey stared at it for a long while before opening it. He expected some long detailed letter explaining everything. Instead all it he got was:

-Mikey,

If you couldn't stand to let us be together in life, maybe you'll learn to fuck off in death.

-Frank.

And Frank had gone to be with Gerard. And he was home at last.

Next chapter: Revenge.


	11. The Domino Effect

"_Bob_, _Frank_, _Mikey and Ray are hanging_ off a _cliff_ and _you can_ only _save one. Who do you save_?"

"I'd jump too."

Chapter 11: The Domino Effect.

Ray was at the bar again, drinking down some Patron tequila. He was by himself, hadn't told anyone where he'd gone. He felt like such a hypocrite. He had scoffed at Gerard, looked down on him for using alcohol to deal with his problems. And yet here he was. And his wife wasn't even dead. She was at work at the moment, and she had been so worried about him lately. He felt a pang of guilt as he remembered what he told Gerard about how Lindsey would have been disappointed. Christa would be disappointed if she knew where he was. It's just a giant fucking chain of disappointments nowadays, isn't it?

He contemplated on the events of the past few weeks. Not that they were pleasant, but he hadn't really been able to think of anything else. Could you blame him? It seemed like all anyone could talk about anymore. It was all over the media, so all their friends, their families, their enemies , their strangers - they all knew. And the rumors, oh the rumors. That Gerard, Frank, and Mikey had been caught in some weird love triangle, that Gerard had been cheating on Lindsey and killed himself from guilt - it certainly didn't help that the two people in the band who were constantly rumored to have romantic relations happened to be the two that died, and so close to each other too.

And just when they were shouting to the world about what happy people they had finally become. But maybe that's the lesson of the story, Ray thought bitterly as he set one more shot glass down, maybe it was the universe telling them they weren't allowed to be that happy and be that obnoxious about it too. Telling them to shut the fuck up. That only works when you're miserable.

Mikey was walking quickly through the streets of Nottingham, UK. He had dressed in his best black trench coat. He wasn't sure why, somehow he felt he should look presentable for what he was about to do. He had told Alicia and the others he was going away for the weekend to visit an old friend. It wasn't that far from the truth. Finally he found his destination. A club called Rock City. He wandered to the backstage area where he met a very old friend indeed, one Bob Bryar.

Bob Bryar had returned to his job as the drum tech for The Used after departing with My Chemical Romance. But he had suspected the boys in The Used had been keeping something from him in the past weeks, that specifically involved Bert and Gerard. Something not very nice. When he had heard of the suicides of Gerard and Frank, he really knew something was up, and he had called Mikey to find out what had happened, and if there was anything he could do. Disagreeing over a few things though they may be, Bob had after all spent many years cramped with these four boys on buses, experiencing all sorts of crazy things with them - it wasn't surprising that there wasn't some sense of loyalty remaining.

Mikey had told Bob very little about his plans. Only that Bert had hurt Gerard in a way that no one deserved. And Mikey wanted justice. Bob hadn't questioned him, and agreed to assist him with getting through the back stage doors.

Chantal was hanging out with Alicia and Jamia. They had been spending a lot of time together in the past month, brought together in loss and mourning. They were sitting around watching television in Mikey and Alicia's room, eating their freshly delivered pizza when Chantal's eyes wandered to a cluster of random objects in the corner of the room. There were some comics and some cd's, some framed photo's amongst other things, and a very random, unopened, old looking, hamster cage set in the farthest part of the corner. Gerard's things, she deduced. She saw a thick notebook that was nearest her, seeing that the other women were too focused on watching the newest episode of House M.D. to care, she grabbed it and flipped through the pages. It was his lyrics notebook, or at least one of them. And one of the newer ones at that, she could see the rough draft of Summertime in one page and some notes for Zero Percent on another. She smiled at the beginnings of The Only Hope For Me Is You, and was moved by a song that didn't make it into the album, that sounded like an alternative version of Kids From Yesterday.

And then there were some lyrics that were very new, lyrics written after that accident. Chantal could only assume so, as they became sadder and sadder, like suicide notes disguised as songs.

Ray was exiting the bar. It was 4 AM and it was time for him to go home. He got into his car, turned on the ignition, and drove out of the parking lot rather hastily. His mind was still swirling. It had usually been Frank who accompanied him on nights when he did drink, and everything about tonight felt incredibly lonely without him especially. It seemed almost pointless as to why Frank had to go. Technically, he still had everything in his life intact, except maybe the band. But maybe that amounted to the same thing. Mikey had pretty much told him to fuck off when Ray asked what the letter was about. Mikey just hadn't been Mikey since they visited Jamia. He had shut himself out completely. In a way, it was like he was dead too.

However, after having spent ten years with this band, with Frank, Ray had an inkling he knew what Frank's death was about. It had not, after all, been hard to see the love Frank held for Gerard. What torture it must have been to watch Gerard fall apart like he did.

Ray stepped down on the accelerator harder.

Perhaps it was worse for Mikey, who was not only forced to watch his older brother, the boy he had grown up with, fall apart, but might have had somewhat of a hand in it as well. Of course Mikey loved Gerard as much as Frank did, but it's not like he helped the situation either. He shouted and screamed at people, he had attacked Frank and accidently punched Gerard in the face. Not that he hadn't been trying to help, of course. He had just been terrified over Gerard, and didn't know how to handle the situation. Ray only hoped Mikey had learned his lesson about using violence to deal with his problems.

Ray stepped on the accelerator harder; he just wanted to sleep.

Or was he, himself, the one who got the shit end of the deal? He felt like the only survivor in the aftermath of the fucking apocalypse. No, he had not suffered emotional breakdowns, he hadn't told off anyone, hadn't punched anyone in the face. All he had done through this entire disaster was sit in the sidelines and watched his band, his family, his life, come crumbling down. At the very most he argued with Gerard about sneaking out to be with Bert, but in the end he let him go, and that was the night he was raped. He had wanted to respect how each of them felt and not get too involved with what was obviously a very personal situation, and look where it got them. Great fucking friend he was huh?

Then the windshield to Ray's car shattered, the metal gave a loud crunch, Ray's head hit the steering wheel, and Ray Toro died at an intersection just 3 miles from Mikey's apartment.

It was never known if Ray Toro had been too drunk to realize the light was red, or if he had known and simply ignored it. Usually people preferred to think the first option, as Ray was always supposed to be the calm one, the sensible one. The one who wouldn't participate in anything as illogical as suicide.

Other people would say My Chemical Romance and the people around them had grown so close as a family, they had developed something of a domino effect. Once one fell, there was nothing left but for everyone else to fall down after them.

The Used was almost done with their setlist. Bert McCracken was sweaty, tired, and just wanted to go home. Or at least to bed. He gave the fans an encouraging smile anyway, and the crowd roared happily in return. The band began playing the opening notes to 'Pretty Handsome Awkward'. He smirked and began to sing.

"Your dream vacation, is my hostage refuge, a work in progress you bleed just like you puke while running a mile!"

Suddenly the crowd shrieked louder than they normally did during songs. Bert looked around, confused. Turning to his right, he saw Mikey Way approaching him from the other side of the stage.

Uh oh.

Bert wasn't sure quite how to react. For one thing, he could tell Mikey wasn't exactly here for a friendly hello. Yet on the other hand, he didn't want to make a scene. But Mikey didn't give him time to decide. Within seconds, they were face to face. Mikey looked at Bert McCracken, and everything came flooding back to him. Seeing Gerard bruised and broken on the ground, hearing Gerard pleading for Bert to stop in his night terrors, crying out of fear, Mikey hurting Frank instead because he couldn't get to Bert. The hatred pulsed through his veins like never before. He didn't have much time. This whole thing started in bloodshed, and it deserved an ending in bloodshed. Mikey whipped out a Colt 45 pistol from underneath his trench coat, pointed at Bert and said with a voice seething with venom, a maniacal look in his eyes, and a twisted smirk….

"You look scared Bert…. or am I just fat?"

And before security could grab him, before 3,000 panicking fans had time to react, before anything more could be said, he shot Bert McCracken down to the ground. He then took the pistol, pointed it at himself, and down Mikey Way went too.

Justice, at last.

Chantal, Jamia, and Alicia were now all huddled around the notebooks that contained Gerard's lyrics. Jamia and Alicia were sharing a notebook, smiling and laughing rather sadly at some of Gerard's notes that he had scattered around the pages. He always wrote funny notes. Chantal was going through an older one at this point, seemed to have been sometime around the Black Parade era. She was almost done with it, when a photo slipped out. She caught it and her eyes widened. It was a photo of a shirtless Frank kissing Gerard on the cheek, who was blushing with his cheeks all red. She turned it around and on the back, a scrawl she recognized as Frank's handwriting wrote:

"For whenever you have writer's block. ;)"

Chantal fought back a laugh and hid it away for Jamia's sake. She wondered how Lindsey was dealing with Frank and Gerard now, wherever they were.

END.

"Heaven help us now, come crashing down. We'll hear the sound, as you fall…"


End file.
